Yoga

There has been so much talk about yoga. On my 8th day of being in Chiang Mai I finally decided to attend a class. I wasn't in a good space and I thought that perhaps yoga would help me find one. I remember the class vividly even though it has now been five weeks since I have been here. The instructor talked about transitions: their difficulty, our resistance to them, and the fact that transitions are a part of life. I had been struggling with being here, and like always, accepting my new status in life: without a husband, without children, without a mother, without friends in Chiang Mai--shit, that's depressing. I knew I had to go and I went and I hope my will to go and the fact that the class was on transitions is a sign towards my intent to transition...



Just finished a yoga class. I don't know if your day can follow a theme but mine definitely has today. I woke up with a strong desire to wear the necklace that my wonderful friend Mel had made for me. It is the foundation image, with the silver tree glowing. Then, I attended yoga class. my favorite teacher Sandrine (I often call Francine, by mistake, because she is from France) started the days practice by reading an excerpt about life and, of course, embracing the moment. Then, we started the session and she did my favorite pose. Tonight is the first night that I paid attention to the name of the pose: tree pose. It is this beautiful pose whose essence is balance and finding your foundation on whichever leg is the foundation, as the other one is bent on your thigh. It is a simple but beautiful pose that I am really good at.
I have begun to look forward to my yoga classes. It is all related really, mind over matter, flexibility. I have to be flexible. Often, with my thinking, with my resistance to moving on into the next experiences in my life, but I must do it.

Yesterday I had a talk with one of my co-workers, Mika; she is also a yoga expert. She has been to ashrams and yoga and meditation retreats and my question was how do you leave that space, that structured space that you exist in for an hour and a half or two months into real life. I mean, real life isn't that way, or perhaps it can be but I haven't figured it out yet.

Is it all controlled by the mind? Is that why Fede was able to survive for two days on the top of that mountain? His mind, as it was so positive, gave his body the strength to endure. Of course, life isn't always as peaceful as that yoga studio or yoga retreat. Nature, and the elements, the reality of his experience beat his body and took his mind and his soul to another place. But perhaps, perhaps because his mental strength was so amazingly strong his beautiful energy is somewhere else, stretching, stirring, laughing. His roots are here forever.

As I come here again, to my favorite cafe called Black Canyon Coffee, on the corner to drink ginger tea and eat the small little free cookies that come with it and write for an hour in my own world I reached for the beautiful new ipod that Chels sent me. The silver color matches the tree of my necklace. For some reason I had a desire to listen to Enya and the album is called "Memory of Trees"

Is everything connected in some way or are we just more aware of certain things? As I finished my yoga class tonight I got tears in my eyes, like I often do, thinking of times past and I walked on the street a bit before I entered the cafe. Two guys were passing by, speaking in Spanish, and one of them was talking about Mendoza and Quilmes, I did a double take wondering if I perhaps knew him, no, no.



July 13, I had another yoga class last night. It was a Monday and I had been feeling low. I woke up feeling low, low and fatigued, tired, over it. I was questioning why it has been so difficult to pull myself out of THIS. And then the teacher, Sandrine, talked about transformation. Then, of course, we did my favorite pose: the tree pose. She always talks about listening to your body, and being good to your self, the "self". We also had to do this other pose in which the thigh is stretched and she said the thigh holds must of the anger: "so stretch it out".

Mind over matter, time after time. Haha. Mind over matter time after time.

One last yoga entry...I couldn't decide if I wanted to go to yoga today or climb, kept wavering, until some stupid Dara kids ran in front of me and I fell over on my bike. It was the last of a series of small things that were just pissing me off more and more with everything, with trying. So, I went, for one last chance at trying to find some balance in all of this bullshit. I wasn't focused at all in class but we learned this new pose called the Goddess pose and it sounds so cliche, yeah, the lost woman "finds her goddess", and no, that didn't occur, but the pose was beautiful, and simple, and expressive and it made me smile for a moment.
Another great thing about each yoga session is that we are supposed to try and focus on one part of the body that needs some healing. I guess I just need to remember that, patience, one at a time...
One day at a time, one moment at a time